Trying to shake a funk

This week I feel like I have been stuck in my own head which is in a little funk and I can't pin point why.  The beginning of the week a classmate passed away.  Young woman with a highly contagious energetic spirit that was well liked by many of her peers.  Even though I didn't know her all that well....I transferred to Winneconne from Appleton and her from Winneconne to Appleton....I feel saddened by her death.  When she moved to Appleton she met a friend of mine and later married him.  They had two daughters, one died when an infant and the other is now on her way to becoming a grown woman.  I can't fathom leaving my girls or boys for that matter. I would think that working with hospice patients almost daily and being around death constantly or at least the knowledge of it happening sooner than later I would think that this would just be second nature to me.  So why can't I shake this death? Is it because she was my age? That she is leaving a daughter behind that is the age of one of my kids? After all I didn't know her that well.  I was even upset with her so many years ago, like maybe 29-30 yrs which I have dealt with long ago and put it in the past.  She was always so very nice to me every time I saw her.  Am I subconsciously still upset with her?  I shouldn't be for petesakes! I found the love of my life who loves me more than life itself, we married shortly after meeting, we have wonderful beautiful children, and I am content with life.  If we didn't experience what we did 30 years ago, I don't think I would be where I am today and my kids wouldn't be who they are.  Maybe this blog is a way of me understanding life here and trying to understand death.  Why would God take away so many special people from one family in just a short time in life.  I think about this and I think, I can understand this if it was elderly people, but why young ones! This family has lost their mother, a infant, a young teen son all in a short period of living.  Do I feel that it isn't fair and yet I am so very blessed with my children and grandson and husband? I still have my mom and dad and even a grandfather!  Not many people my age can say that they have grandparents!  I need to continue to remind myself God chooses who he calls and when.  It isn't our business to understand the who, when, and whys.  As I continue to pray for my what I called my "second family when growing up" I will also thank God for all the blessings he has given my in my life and for the ones that he allows me to continue to have until he is ready for them or me.  I pray that this woman's daughter finds comfort in the pride and love her mom had in her and I pray that her and her dad build a bond that helps one another through their grief.   RIP EV

Little Things

Welcome to my first post on here.  I wish I was knowledgeable enough to know how (if it is possible) to link two blogs together.  For those of you that are new followers my previous blogs can be found at http://therawlings.wordpress.com/ .  I am hoping that I will be able to be a little more disciplined with this and try keeping up a little better than what I had previously.  I find that life goes so fast that it is easy to get mixed up with all the day to day things and miss out on the little things in life.  Now that we have Ashton in the family and yet another one on the way it is so enjoyable to watch/enjoy life from their view.  I had a blast with Ashton and the girls last Saturday when we went to the flag day parade.  Watching Ashton was amazing.  The little things were so neat.  Waving the little flags that were given out and then deciding to drop the flags to clap or keep waving them was the decision of the day many times over.  I do believe he thoroughly enjoyed himself.